


Guilt Assuaged

by Torched22



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Admissions, First Time, Guilt, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-08 06:28:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21471547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Torched22/pseuds/Torched22
Summary: Aziraphale feels tremendous guilt and Crowley would like to know why.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 35





	Guilt Assuaged

“You’re awfully quiet tonight angel,” Crowley said between bites of food. He sat across from Aziraphale who was barely eating himself. “It’s not like you to let a delicious chicken piccata go cold.” 

The angel tried a smile, but it was frail and failed to reach his eyes. He had pushed his food around the plate more than anything. 

“Angels don’t get sick, s’ what’s the problem?” 

His friend’s mouth parted, an answer on the tip of his tongue, then closed once more. As a demon, Crowley was sensitive to feelings as Aziraphale was. When the pair went to Tadfield and Aziraphale exclaimed about the atmosphere being filled with love...well, Crowley could sense feelings as well. Aziraphale was typically a fine blend of righteousness, love, more love, and a touch of guilt. 

Being a demon, Crowley was highly attuned to picking up guilt. Aziraphale usually experienced the emotion as a result of his...relationship...with Crowley. Beneath the guilt was always a touch of fear. Fear of being found out by heaven and hell and the both of them being destroyed. 

After the apocalypse was averted, Crowley expected the guilt and fear to swirl down the drain along with the holy water in the bathtub they had tried to murder him with. But it only amplified. By a lot. 

Crowley had not yet broached the subject with his friend, but he was becoming concerned. Aziraphale looked torn and guilt poured from him like an overpowering cologne. 

“Could we discuss it back at the book shop?” 

“Of course,” Crowley waved a hand and asked for the check. 

The ride to the bookshop felt long and suffocating. He was itching to ask more questions, but had to wait for the safe haven of the book shop. Finally, after a silent ride, they arrived at their destination. 

Crowley followed his friend inside silently and Aziraphale locked the door after him. Then, they both walked farther into the space. “Would you like some wine dear?” Aziraphale asked. “I certainly think it would be a good idea.” 

Dread settled in the pit of Crowley’s stomach, he gulped. “Sure, yea, why not.” 

They ended up on the sofa at the back of the store, wine glasses in hand. Crowley watched as his friend’s soft pink lips wrapped around the glass and downed the contents fairly quickly. 

He wasn’t sure who was supposed to broach the subject, but he was growing impatient. “I’m worried about you angel,” he ventured. 

Aziraphale poured himself more wine and began drinking once again. “You needn’t worry about me,” the angel replied rather unconvincingly. The guilt dripping from him was enough to nearly suffocate Crowley and he didn’t like the taste of it. 

“What on earth do you have to feel guilty about?” he said suddenly, the words leaving the enamel prison bars of his teeth before he could lock the cell of his lips. 

Aziraphale looked rather striken and surprised. “I...uh...you can tell I’m feeling guilt?” 

“Yes, and I don like it. Look, angel, you have nothing to feel guilty about.”

The angel huffed a laugh, hollow and bitter. “You don’t know that.” 

“Then tell me,” Crowley leaned forward, eyes intent on his friend. “Tell me why you feel so guilty?” 

Aziraphale bit his upper lip and squirmed in his seat. This time, it was a tidal wave of fear that Crowley felt him square in the chest. 

"You don't have to be afraid to tell me anything..."

"But I do. I...what if you're disgusted with me? Or hate me? I couldn't...I couldn't bear to lose you Crowley." 

The words sent warmth spreading through Crowley's chest. "Oh angel, you're not going to lose me."

"You can't guarantee that," Aziraphale's eyes looked so blue and big and sad. They shined with the promise of tears. 

"Yes, yes I can," he said adamently. "As long as I haven't been destroyed, you won't lose me angel. No matter whot." 

The statement provided some relief, but Aziraphale was still quite conflicted. He finished the latest glass of wine and set it down. He clasped his large, pale hands together and moved to sit across from Crowley. 

'Dear god, this must be bad,' Crowley thought. 

"Okay...there's no easy segway into it, so I'll just..." he cleared his throat. 

Silence. His downcast eyes searching nervously. 

Crowley didn't want to push too hard, so he sat and waited patiently. Finally...Aziraphale spoke.

"You know when we had...switched places? Switched bodies?" 

"Yes..."

"Well...there were things about that experience that I...I hadn't anticipated..."

"Like wot?" 

"A lot. Like when we first joined hands and switched the night before to try it out...I got glimpses into private things. Things you may not have wanted me to...know or see..."

Crowley's heart felt as if it stopped beating. 

"I felt guilty for snooping. It was only while we were swapping that I got glimpses into your head and heart I think...and I was surprised...I had never experienced lust before. It rather caught my attention and I didn't mean to look into it further but, I saw memories of yours I think..."

Now Crowley wasn't breathing.

"Past sexual experiences of yours and I felt just..." his hands tried to gesture his feelings but failed. "I felt so guilty for having peered into your private memories. And worse...I felt..." he sighed, a wounded painful sound. "I felt so jealous. I felt so upset and I had no right to be at all. And, and I saw that moment of us in the Bentley when I told you that you were going to fast. And I felt your disappointment and I just...well, I hated myself for ever making you feel that," he wrung his hands together. 

Crowley just sat, eyes wide behind his glasses. "You don't have to feel guilty Aziraphale," he finally said despite his dry mouth. He was embarassed, but it was nothing they couldn't overcome. "I was going too fast."

"No, you weren't," Aziraphale said, exasperated. "You weren't. I just...I had always felt this...love that you emanate towards me."

Okay, maybe Crowley was about to melt into a puddle of embarrassment. 

"And I had felt it growing - that love - and I was scared. I was a coward. Too scared of getting us both destroyed...but I return it Crowley, I do."

Crowley took a deep breath. Was that Aziraphale's admission of love? "Is that wot you feel guilty about? Loving a despicable thing like me?" 

Zira's eyes went wide with panic. "What? No, no! I - let me finish, please... And, could you take off your glasses?" 

"Okay." Crowley removed the tinted glass and tried not to give away too much with his eyes. 

"And then...well, we were busy with our head offices. But when all of that was over, and I was still you for a bit...I wanted to return your body to you in good condition so...I cl-cleaned your body," he blushed furiously. "Why I feel guilty is because, well, I had never experienced real temptation before. I never really had made an effort," he waved vaguely in the direction of his crotch.

'Oh,' Crowley thought.

"But your form, well, it came with an effort. And - the longer I was in it - your body - I..." he shook his head, at a loss for words. "I have always been attracted to you," he admitted, "and in your body I just became so..." he shifted in his spot once more, unsure of how to proceed. "The reason I never made an effort before was because I knew, I knew that if I did have a," he gestured again to his crotch, "that I wouldn't be able to control it.."

"You wouldn't be able to control your effort?" Crowley said, confused.

"No - I wouldn't be able to control my feelings for you any longer. I had worked very hard over the past 6,000 years to keep a lid on that box."

"Oh."

"And if I had the necessary parts, well, I would lose what little control I had left. And I was right, because in your form I just...I took one look at you in the mirror and I couldn't control myself. I - I touched your body, without your permission, while I was in it." 

"'S alright angel," Crowley leaned forward more and their knees bumped. 

"It's not alright. I was aroused and tempted and I - I gave in and I touched your body and I watched your body in the mirror. I watched your...effort...stiffen and leak and I felt so - so good - but so empty because you weren't really there, it was just me in your body. I - I stared at you and your eyes and your cock and I had an orgasm in your body," he dropped his head into his hands. 

Crowley could do nothing else but reach his hand out to Aziraphale's hidden face. "I was quite taken with your body too you know," he said. "How could I not be? I have wanted it for 6,000 years." 

Aziraphale looked up. "You have?" 

"God yes," he sighed, the weight of the admission feeling good off his chest. "And if I had seen glimpses of you with others - sexually - I would have been quite jealous too. All of your reactions were absolutely normal, totally understandable Aziraphale. You're far too hard on yourself." 

"But that wasn't how I wanted - that's not how I wanted to see you...come...for the first time," the angel said miserably. "I feel like I took something away. Like I did something bad." 

"No...you did something naughty," a gleam shone in Crowley's golden eyes. "And I find it rather...exhilirating." 

"You do?" 

"Yes. And I think that what you're craving is absolution, forgiveness? Amirite?" 

"Yes." 

"Perhaps I should punish you for what you've done," Crowley smiled, making sure to make it clear that his intentions were playful. 

A small gasp left Aziraphale's parted lips. "Yes, I would agree." 

"Good," Crowley purred. "I think that since you got to watch my body come, that it's only fair I get to see yours come as well."

"Oh...yes. Erm, would you like...how would you like to? We could switch bodies again or..."

"Or?" 

"You know."

"I want to hear you say it," Crowley dug his hands into the fabric beneath him, barely able to contain himself. 

"You could watch me..."

"Watch you wot?" 

"Crowley," he whined. It was adorable.

"Go on."

"You could watch me masturbate." 

"Ah, yes, I think that's the ticket. As long as it's what you want as well."

"Yes," Aziraphale answered so quickly and so loudly that it was embarassing. "Should I miracle away my clothes?" 

"No, I think that you should undress slowly." 

Aziraphale nodded. He stood and began at his bowtie. 

"It really is absurd how many layers of clothing you wear," Crowley said as he himself began shedding layers, while still seated. 

"What are you doing?" Aziraphale blushed even harder, if that was possible.

"I'm taking my own clothes off. I'm going to have my fun as well, it's only fair, don't you think?"

"Yessss," Aziraphale's eyes were hodded and about three shades darker than normal. 

"But you don't get to touch me." 

"What? Why?" he said distressed, his hands undoing his trousers. 

"'S part of the punishment," he grinned wickedly. 

Finally, finally Aziraphale had reached his underwear. There was a large dark spot where his effort had leaked against the fabric. 

"Did you choose that effort in particular?" Crowley questioned. 

"Yes..."

"Why?" 

"Well, I liked it when I was in your body."

"Ah," Crowley licked his lips, waiting and watching as Aziraphale removed his underwear. 

"Should I stand or sit?" 

"Stand," Crowley was peeling off his own pants. When he removed his underwear, he saw Aziraphale's cock twitch and watched his friend's hand go to his effort as he closed his eyes. 

Aziraphale was a blob of panting and jumbled words. "If...If I stand while I...well...it'll...when I come..."

"You'll come all over me. Yes, I know." At his words, a high pitched whine escaped from the angel.

"You're breathtaking Crowley," Aziraphale said in a reverent whisper as his eyes poured over the porcelain skin and toned muscles. His eyes traversed Crowley's chest and abs and the trail of soft red hair that led to his swollen cock. "It looks so delicious," Aziraphale stared at it, politeness be damned. "It's the same shade as a ripe cherry at the tip." Fluid leaked from it at his words and a shudder ran down his spine. "I want to touch you so badly. Taste you."

"I know angel. I want to do the same. But for now..."

"I know..." 

"Grasp your cock, begin stroking it for me," Crowley instructed. Aziraphale's knees felt weak and wobbly and his heartbeat rushed in his ears. He did as he was told, his touch like an electric shock to his own cock.

"Has anyone ever touched your cock before Aziraphale? Or any other effort you've made?" 

"N-no." 

Crowley closed his eyes and purred. "So you've never had sex then?" 

"No." 

"Fuck," Crowley breathed, his own hand going to his cock. "You look so beautiful angel, a literal piece of heaven." 

Happiness vibrated through Aziraphale's chest at the compliment and the ones to follow. "You look so soft to the touch, I want to knead my hands into you." The angel whined. Crowley continued talking. "Tell me how it feels, your new effort."

"Feels so...odd...but good...like being struck by lightning but in a pleasant way." 

Crowley smiled.

"In my body, was that the first time you ever had an orgasm?" 

"Yes. And I wanted more. I wanted more and it was so frustrating to be you because that meant I couldn't speak to you or hold you in my arms or taste you." 

"I'd like to taste you as well angel," Crowley's eyes lingered on the angel's pulsing sex. He was just as long as Crowley, but wider. The demon imagined that he would feel quite full with the angel inside of him. 

"Have you thought about us having sex?" Crowley ventured. 

"Yes...oh, yes...I thought about it before I had even made an effort."

Crowley's breathing was heavy and his hand was sliding up and down his shaft; he watched as Aziraphale mirrored his movements. 

"I even..tasted your come...when I was in your body."

"Fuck..." Crowley groaned, his movements going haywire as his orgasm lit him on fire from the inside out. He came on his own chest, eyes glued to Aziraphale frantically pumping his own cock. Aziraphale's eyes were wide, his mind recording all of this, every detail, every sound. He wasn't sure who was being punished at this point and neither was Crowley. 

"I'm going to -" 

Crowley reached out and drew Aziraphale even closer. The angel whined in dismay. "It'll get all over you..." 

"Good," Crowley kept his hands on Aziraphale's hips and his mouth hung open. At seeing Crowley open his mouth to catch his release, Aziraphale couldn't hold it together any longer. He moaned loudly as he felt the hot liquid pulse from his balls, out his cock, and watched it gather in Crowley's open mouth. He came and came - an inhumanly amount - perhaps because it was his effort's first run. And when he was done, Crowley just swallowed it all and licked his lips. 

"I...you..."

"I did, and it was delicioussss," Crowley hissed. 

"Perhaps I should be naughty more often," Aziraphale said breathlessly, collapsing on the sofa. 

"Perhaps you should."


End file.
